September 10, 2011
Location: Markham, Toronto, ON
There will only be sincere apologies given, not received. From young to now, despite all the gratefulness I have for them, I have my reservations about my position. Sure, we all may be outcasts but what they achieved is being capable of finding a comfortable position within the family.
So what if I’m sensitive. I’m desperately trying not to be frail like that, but I suppose it is always slightly more challenging to change your nature. For boundless times, I’ve been asking myself many questions: where do I stand? Who am I really? Why am I so different from my family? Why am I lonely? Yet the sound of my voice echoes endlessly against the walls of my mind. Silence is all I receive.
Sure, I’m doing this to myself. I find people to talk to, only finding an eye-roll or a heavy sigh in return. I even keep telling myself that I don’t feel anything but you know what, that’s just ridiculously sad. I’d rather be sensitive than to be indifferent.
And this brings me to a conclusion that will define who I am in the future: I will stop pitying myself for having low self-esteem. I will stop hating myself for all my flaws. I will stop crying because of being emotionally hurt. I will stop waiting for other people to judge me. I will stop being afraid.
I will start to acknowledge, embrace, accept, and compromise.